Sometimes I feel like just giving up, but deep down I know that’s not the answer. I have so much to offer the world and to a significant other but I feel like that’s all being wasted. I wish things in life weren’t so difficult but then again we wouldn’t cherish things as much if it were easy to obtain them. This winding road I’m going down leaves me with despair. I’m trying to envision the light at the end but it just seems so far & everything else so dark. No matter how hard a try something just isn’t adding up right. It seems that there’s always something missing. I don’t know exactly what it is that I’m missing but I know that it’s missing because right now I don’t feel whole; I’m not complete. There’s an emptiness I can’t seem to fill. It’s this emptiness that takes me into that dark place from time to time. It draws me into a dark and twisting forest and I get lost in its paths. I feel as if I’m trapped there in the vast wilderness of “what could have been” and “the what ifs”. I think it’s my past that haunts me the most and I don’t know how to get by it. I’m trapped there with no escape. All I want is to be free of it, all i want is to be free from you. I know that you don’t deserve me & that I don’t deserve what you’ve done to me but I can’t seem to get past the hurt. I need someone to show me that I deserve to feel again, to feel something real.
-Ashley Nicole
I just felt like i needed to vent about how i feel fat.
I have done so much while away at school and loved where i was at,
then i went away for a weekend to vermont & got stuck there for a week then came back to school and had a million things to catch up on I stopped working out cause i never had time & i was eating bad all over again. By the time i went home for thanksgiving i was all the way back to where i was in the beginning if not worse. I feel stupid & worthless, and i can’t stand the thought that i have to start all over and it will only be to get to where i already was uggghhhh.
at this very moment in time i can;t help but hate myself.
